
	AND THE WINNER IS...
	Grey-garbed schoolgirl. Bony legs. Defeated spine. Narrow chest, face, 
	thoughts. Skin peeled-pear pale. Perched in a gazebo, sucking pencil, 
	clutching pad. Brolga knees pained by the hard wood bench.
   'Draw a 
	building,' her teacher had said. 'One of the big ones in town.'
   The 
	Ballarat main street, traffic-eroded trench, had a central nature-strip. The 
	gazebo erupted from that. Pompous roof. Steel arabesques. Grey-garbed 
	schoolgirl bauble in a bon-bon. She gazed at buildings familiar as feel of 
	teeth to tongue. Uninteresting she felt.
   Mostly, she felt cold.
	   Cold high, dry, bitter air, sucked across the plateau like thin cloud 
	meant for marble-eyed highland sheep, not fleeceless girls in uniforms made 
	less for the body than the eye.
   Pricked lungs, steamed breath. Twitch 
	blazer collar up. Hold schoolbag to shelter chest, leather hard as cold as 
	tin.
   Town Hall tower. Tower of the old hotel. Tower perched on the 
	emporium like dropped ice-cream in cone. Viewing towers? To hold up clocks, 
	see fires? Never anyone up there. Pointless. Just for show.
   Spikes of 
	cold.
   Draw or freeze.
   Then she noticed the Gas Company a 
	building one room wide with facade so fractured it seemed a new crackpot had 
	built each floor. Arched windows, square ones, some with columns at the 
	side. Broken arc at top with ornate stone bowls... jumbled heroics parading 
	to washed-out sky. Beside it, a low thirties-style showroom sidled around 
	the corner in a curve, its blank pastel fascia streaked with green-painted 
	grooves.
   Old and modern rivals jostling for esteem.
   Next, 
	centred in the side-street, a cream-brick council shithouse hissed its 
	cisterns.
   In front of it was a model of the State's biggest nugget on 
	a plinth.
   Come and see, then have a pee. What a dumb bit of town.
    
	Her pencil frolicked on the page, caught outlines as if the skill came from 
	her hand.
   Features formed. The vain Gas Company wider at the top and 
	sagging forward with grandeur. Exaggeration helped.
   Pencil bitten by 
	chattering teeth.
   It looked weird, was going to be beaut.
   
	
	The Leaving Certificate Art Exam required students to submit three 
	paintings. Two she'd finished. This was the third.
   In her room with 
	the broken blind that her father never fixed she pinned paper to board and 
	took out oil paints.
   Cratered tubes of lead, labels semi-detached, 
	tops that didn't turn.
   Shrunken things. She loved the battered tubes, 
	loved bending the hairs of each brush, smelling paint, varnish, turps.
	   Happiness was this.
Painting took a week. The brushes made the 
	streetscape live.
   It became a timeless textured world with a separate 
	quirky life. It amazed her.
   When she showed it to her teacher the 
	woman said, 'My God.'
   She placed it on a chair, surveyed it for a 
	time. 'It's satirical, affectionate. Brilliantly done as well. You've really 
	captured something. And it has a marvellous sense of charm.'
   She was 
	delighted. 'Isn't it funny like a little world all its own.'
   'I know 
	exactly what you mean. It's wonderful, dear. A regional masterpiece. Best 
	thing you've ever done.'
	She left school skipping, anxious to send the painting in.
   At the 
	upper end of Sturt Street, beneath trees with falling yellow leaves, she 
	noticed a letterbox-mouthed toddler running through dappled shade.
   The 
	tot stopped near a ball discarded by a five year old boy. She picked it up, 
	smiling, bright eyes asking if she could play.
   The boy snatched it 
	from her.
   Shock on the child's face as hurt went through her unbraced 
	heart. The horror of the world in one incident. Life forming scars.
	   She crouched to soothe the child but knew the damage had gone in.
She passed the Leaving Certificate, passed the Art Exam. Months later 
	they returned her paintings.
 Only two.
 The streetscape never came 
	back. Lost in the system, they said.
   Or had an examiner fancied and 
	kept the regional masterpiece?
Blue-garbed sophisticate. Attractive legs. Straight spine. Tempting 
	breasts, face, hips. Skin moisturized and clear. Perched in an advertising 
	agency, sucking Pentel, clutching pad, fighting a lingerie deadline. 
	Scribbling concepts, hurting head.
    Presentation 
	Thursday.
   Four-way pitch.
   Idea-dry, stress-jagged, eyes glazed, 
	she remembered the old town.
   The ball and the toddler's shock. She 
	still hurt for that child. 
   The girl freezing as she drew. She felt 
	wistful about that girl. About her sadness when the wonderful painting was 
	lost.
    Back to this pad, this scrawl, this stupid 
	slogan she was stuck with.
   Four way pitch.
   They'd never get it.
	   Hell!
After her Cleo, Golden Lion and Mobius she knew she'd score.
   But 
	Commercial of the Year! Unreal.
   The presentation. Her speech. 
	Congratulations, photographers, interviews. An ardent alcoholic kiss by the 
	agency Chairman. Tomorrow, she'd get calls asking her to name her price.
	   She floated home in a taxi, secure for a year or three at least, wanting 
	to breathe night air, smell moon-silvered sea, exult and dream.
    
	She left the taxi two blocks from her flat, schlepped on soft grass, the 
	world at her feet. A glance at the stars. A flood of tears. Release. 
	   Sadness for that girl. Where was her painting now? If she could only 
	bring it back, for that funny small person she'd been.
   What mattered? 
	A lost school painting? Wasn't this present triumph great enough?
	   Shoe-glint in ebony grass, shifting silk and blowing hair.
   She 
	would paint again.
   She spread her arms as if to fly.
   What 
	mattered?
   Too drunk to know. But something did. Something not yet 
	forgotten. To do with heart? Hope? Need?
   What mattered?
   Key in 
	door.
   Familiar hall.
   No lover this month. Just the fish.
	   Hello, fish. We won!
   The award held against fish-tank glass.
	   Check this out, guys! We WON!
   What mattered?
   Stagger out of 
	clothes. Clean teeth. Glance at the mirror. Hello, beautiful. You're 
	whacked.
   Stumble to unmade bed.
   Lights out. Goodnight world.
	   If only she could see that girl again. Say to her, 'Look where you are 
	now!' 
   That girl who felt life expanding with every step. The opening 
	to things. How much she'd now been through. How many shocks and 
	disappointments. How carefully honed her defence.
Grey-garbed 
	schoolgirl. Bony legs. Defeated spine. Narrow chest, face, thoughts. Skin 
	peeled-pear pale. Perched in a gazebo, sucking pencil, clutching pad.
	   Woe unto ye who offend these little ones.
   'Oh God,' she sobbed.
	   'Oh God.
   'Oh God.
   'Oh God.'